Never Let Go
by TobyandSpencer
Summary: Spencer is still dealing with Ali's return, but when she finds out a new secret that threatens to ruin her life, Toby does everything he can to help her, while trying to protect himself as well from the new and much more powerful, -A. SPOBY. SPARIA. Takes place in season 5.
1. Chapter 1: Never Let Her Go

Heat rushed over Spencer's body, shaking with rejection. She felt her stomach churn and burn, as she let out her morning breakfast into the toilet. She had to keep it together, she had to. She curled her hands into fists, willing herself to breathe. But she couldn't; her sobs ripping through her chest. How did this happen? Spencer couldn't remember ever feeling this sick. Her stomach felt empty, but she also felt hot and sweat was dripping down her forehead. She had to make a mental note to breathe, or else she was sure she would pass out. She hated feeling out of control, especially of herself. But, this was far more terrifying then the Adderall addiction that had split Spencer and Toby apart.

Spencer gathered herself off of the floor. As she began walking out of the bathroom, she saw herself in the mirror. Her face was pale and flustered, drained of any sign of life. She had bags under her eyes from crying all night. She flinched at her own reflection. If Toby saw her like this, she knew he would probably never leave her side again. But, he wasn't here right now, but he could show up. Toby had a habit for showing up when she needed him. With the Adderall, it had been her decision not to tell Toby, but he had shown up when Spencer was at the breaking point of it all. She remembered seeing him, and dread and guilt had filled her gut as she saw him smile at her like nothing else mattered. She remembered him teasing her to have dinner with him, a date; a date that she had missed due to her own selfish reasons. She regretted it all, and if she could take it back, she would. How she wanted just to be normal for one day.

But what she had found out a day ago would change her life forever.

When Spencer began feeling sick, she knew instantly, this was no side effect of the drugs. This wasn't the flu like symptom that was causing her to throw up constantly in the morning. She knew that for a fact. Then, she had odd cravings. Even worse from there, she was always emotional, almost crying for a third time in Mr. Fitz's class while reading Romeo and Juliet. She knew this was not herself. Hell, she hardly cried in public. She had to excuse herself from her friends at the brew when Spencer felt the sickening feeling in her stomach again, her throat burning.

When Spencer got home, she barely reached the sink. As she was bent over the sink, she shut her eyes, remembering exactly what got her here. And she knew, she absolutely knew, what was going on.

_"__No! There's no way you're bringing me on a date tonight!" Spencer laughed, pulling herself off of her bed. Toby was already picture perfect, in his white button up shirt and grey jeans, smelling of freshly applied cologne. _

_Toby was sitting on the bed with her. He laughed, and easily dragged Spencer back to his side. _

_She laughed as she fell back next to him, crossing her arms, and pouting at him. Toby smiled over her, mockingly. "Yes you are, even if I have to drag you out of your house." _

_Toby had come to visit Spencer at her house, and he let out a surprise that he was taking her on a date that night. But, had he hadn't known, that was the same night as her parent's big business dinner. It was a one night dinner where all the lawyers and their children met up to eat together, talk about boring old politics. Spencer had gone every single year. The other lawyers' children had short cut hair, always proper, and boring clothes, almost as boring as their personalities. Now, she knew she'd easily go on a date with Toby. _

_"__Toby, it's the whole dinner-with-lawyers night. Can this dinner wait?" She begged. But Toby just shrugged, and pulled her closer. "No, it really can't wait. Come on, Hastings, put on the prettiest thing you have in your closet, and let's go!" Toby pushed himself off the bed, and confidently out of her room, closing the door as he went. "Love you!" He called out. _

_Spencer loved that Toby was full of surprises. But, she really was in denial. She hated when her parents were mad at her, and she knew these dinners were important to them. But, Toby was important to her. _

_Spencer whispered to herself, "Oh, what the hell," And pushed herself off the bed, walking over to her closet. _

_She opened the glass doors, and looked inside, slipping her hand past the different textures of clothing. She stopped her hand on a white skirt. She peered at it, and then looked over to a spaghetti string navy shirt with white rose pedals dancing along the shirt. She ripped both of the pieces off the hangers, and threw them on. She looked at her full body mirror, her hair long and wavy, and her makeup not out of touch. Her skin was glowing, and her legs were covered in the lotion, Paris Amour. She was nervous. She had never been on a date. Ever. But she was ready to do this. With Toby. _

_Spencer tried to reach behind her to zip her skirt, and then she decided to flip the skirt around, and zipped it up. She shoved the skirt back, and took a final glance in the mirror for imperfections. But she knew Toby would not care. He loved her for just who she was. _

___When she got downstairs, Toby was waiting at on the couch, and stood up when he saw her. She blushed at his wandering and curious eyes, and she saw his smile beginning to roll over his face. He walked over to her, handing her out his arm. She grabbed his arm, and he led her toward the door. _

_"__You look beautiful, as always" Toby complimented. Spencer laughed. "You look very nice yourself Tobes" _

_From there, he lead her out to his truck, the sky was filled with glistening stars—_

"Spencer?"

She was interrupted by the sound of a concerned voice. The voice that was husky, yet gentle and kind. The voice she had heard millions of times, on the phone, in person, over Skype. It was Toby.

She heard him knock on the bathroom door, gently, and then open it. She saw in the reflection of the mirror, he was wearing a maroon and black leather jacket, and a light gray shirt that buttoned up at the neck. His eyes were worried, looking at her blank expression. She was still looking at her reflection, tired gaze. Spencer looked down; she felt tears fill her eyes, rolling gently down her cheeks. Her arms were struggling to hold herself up. She instantly felt Toby's arms hold hers, as he pulled her to him in a bear hug. Spencer shook, and she felt her throat burn. "What's wrong, Spencer?" Toby whispered, rubbing her back with his fingertips. She drowned into his touch, closing her eyes, not being able to find the words to express her feelings. "I need to- to tell you something…" Spencer's voice drained out into Toby's chest. Toby froze for a few seconds, just holding her in his embrace. "Okay" Was all he said.

Spencer pulled away, walking to her bed, and sitting on the side. Toby joined her on the bed, and held her hand, which was shaking and cold in his. "Spencer, what is it?"

She didn't know how she ever got the words out. She was so shocked and scared; the words flowed out and didn't stop. But her heart was beating so fast, she forget to catch her breath.

"Do you remember…? Our date and… ummm, we..." She began, too embarrassed to finish. Toby nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about. Images of that night flashed back across her mind.

The dinner.

The candles.

The kiss…

_"__God, Toby, this is beautiful!"_

_They were at Toby's loft. But, it didn't look like a loft anymore. It was decorated with candles and dim lights hanging from the ceiling. The couch was pushed back to have a fancy table with chairs for two. A large glass valve of wine was positioned on the table, and there was lasagna on two plates. _

_"__Did you try to remake the dinner I screwed up?" Spencer asked, sarcastically. But, the words came out guiltier than jokingly. "Spencer, its fine. I think… I think it'd be better if we just, ha, try this again?" Toby said.__Spencer nodded, and she walked over to the table. Toby was right behind her, and pulls her seat back. "Thank you" She says. Once she sits down on the seat, Toby easily pushes her forward, and then seats himself. _

_Spencer is now more than nervous, she was way beyond that point. Even the silverware was set up neatly, not one out of place, all aligned and straight. It was perfect. Not only because it was neat and exactly the way she liked it, but because Toby knew her so well to have the date at his place, cause he knew she hated being out in public with all of the new Alison drama. Ever since Alison came back, the whole town's attention went back on the five pretty little liars. She knew this for a fact. She hated being questioned by reporters, once, Toby and her were at the brew, getting coffee, and a swarm of reporters attacked not only her, but started throwing questions at Toby too, asking how he felt about Ali's return with all the things that went down with Toby being the one who had, "killed" Alison. But, now that she was back, at least everyone knew Toby never hurt anyone. _

_"__Spencer?" Toby asked from across the table. Spencer had spaced out again. "Huh?"_

_Toby shook his head, smiling. "I was just asking you if you wanted some garlic bread." He was holding the basket of bread towards her, and she took it from him, mouthing, "Thank you" She set the bread on her plate, the aroma filling her nose. "It smells amazing Toby, really, this is perfect" _

_They ate in silence, throwing glances at each other every once and awhile. Sure, it was quiet, but Spencer liked it. She could hear the small candles blowing with the ever so often wind drift that went through Toby's loft, and she could hear a steady rain beginning outside. She could hear the sound of forks scrapping against plates, as she continued eating. _

_She looked at Toby, to find he was already looking at her. She smiled, blushing, and Toby smiled back. "Hold on, I have something to show you!" Toby got out of his seat, and ran to Spencer, grabbing her hand in his. "Come on, it's in my room," and with that, she followed him, leaving her empty plate behind. _

_They walked into his bedroom, and Spencer instantly saw Toby all around her. His bed with the gentle shade of a light blue/grey color, the pillows white. She remembered the one night she stayed here, and even though it wasn't a long time, she had still loved every second of it. She remembered smelling Toby's woodsy scent, and his light cologne that made him smell of boyfriend material. She remembered falling asleep on Toby. _

_In the right corner of his room, there was a large antique record player that Spencer had never seen before. "Toby, what is that?" She asked, leaning into Toby. "I built this. I love the sound that you get out of playing records. It's empowering really. The sound can be heard from every inch of the loft, but, what's odd, is that you can never hear it in the brew. So, I never get complaints like I had with my amps in my TV. But, it's not too nerdy right?" Spencer looked at him, smiling. "Toby, I love you. And your nerdy side" Toby smiled, kissing her cheek. He walked over to his record player, and pressed the small pick onto the record, and soothing music came playing out. It was the Aria Variation; Spencer thought it was the 39__th__. There piano music came swirling out, and surrounded them with this new sound. Spencer swayed her body slightly to the music, and Toby looked up from the record player, seeing her swaying brought a spark of pure love in Toby's heart. He saw her skirt sway this way and that as she closed her eyes, still swaying. Toby walked gently over to her, taking her hand into his. Spencer opened her eyes to him, as he pressed his other hand around her waist. Spencer wrapped her free hand behind Toby's neck. _

_"__Are you trying to dance with me, Cavanaugh?" She laughed. Her laugh echoed in Toby's ears, his eyes coated with a look Spencer had never seen. This look was beyond love, beyond passion. It was something new to mankind. It wasn't lust, not admiration. It was infinities beyond that. It was like he was watching an angel. "Miss Hastings, it'd be my pleasure to have you dance with me." With the passion in his voice, Spencer pulled herself close to him, her body moving with his, as he steadily moved his feet to the left, then back, then to the right, then forward, then to the left, and so on. It was like nothing that had ever happened. Spencer closed her eyes, Toby leading her to the beat of the music. This was the first time they had ever really danced. Toby's hand around her small petit one felt strong. This touch was the kind that assured Spencer that he would never let her fall. That he would never let her go. _

_"__I love you so much, Spencer." Toby whispered, his voice melting into the music that was swirling around them. "I love you too Toby."_

_She felt him press his hand tighter around her waist, pulling her to him in more of a hug than a dancing motion. But, then, he did the unpredictable. He pulled her away, and then twisted his arm above her, and she twirled, laughing, and then he leaned her back, her hair touching the floor, before pulling her back up to him. "Oh my gosh, I never knew you could dance like that!"_

_"__Haha, I didn't know either, until now" He laughed. "You mean, you've never done any of this before?" She asked him. "Nah, I guess I never found the right person to dance with. Until now" He looked at her this time, and he paused. He looked at her, his hands still around her. "You're my girl. You'll always be my girl, there's never one second of any hour, of any day, of any month, that I spend not thinking about you. You're my world Spencer, you're my everything."_

_Spencer was sure she was crying by now. Way to go, Toby, getting into a girls heart strings like that. But she was so full of butterflies from the moment, she had to do something. So, she did. _

_She kissed him right on the lips, and her hands flew around Toby's neck. Toby didn't hesitate; he pulled her to him, hip to hip, as his hands travelled up his spine, prying away her shirt. Her shirt was no longer tucked into her skirt, and she could feel his hands wandering over her black laced bra. _

_Spencer began to unbutton his white button up shirt, popping each button open, revealing his sculpted and toned chest. _

_He pulled her up, his hands under her claves, as he leaned over her, pressing her gently onto his bed. He began kissing her cheek, then her neck, his hands travelling up her soft stomach, sending goosebumps down her body, and the only thought that went through her mind was that she loved him, and there was no way she would ever let him go either. He was her everything. _

There was only silence in the room. Toby was still next to her, his eyes glued to Spencer's shaking hands, and in his eyes, there was guilt and sadness. That night had been the best night of her existence. So why did "this" have to ruin it?

"Spencer… What… what are you telling me?" Toby's voice was monotone, straight forward, but his eyes looked like they already knew the answer. "Toby, I'm- I'm—

But Spencer couldn't finish. She started crying, again, and she felt Toby quickly pull her into his chest, his strong arms providing protection from the world around her. She knew he knew what she was going to say. The one word that did change everything.

Toby knew this was going to change everything. Hell, as soon as everyone knew, she'd be a wreck. But he knew they were in this together, and he was never going to leave Spencer's side. There's no way he could ever bring himself to say anything right now. Here, holding her in his arms, all he could think about was the fact that there was another distinctive life form here in this room. It was because of them that this was happening. It was because of the love they shared. It was because they had made love that one rainy night. It was because Spencer was pregnant.

"God, Spencer…" Toby could only say her name before she cried even harder. She was shaking in his arms. They were stuck on their own island, and they had no idea how they were going to escape. "What are we going to do?" Spencer cried. Toby rubbed her back, but he could feel himself shake at the question. "Spencer, sweetheart, we're going to find a way out of this. We always do, it's going to be okay… I promise." Toby knew that wasn't a direct answer, but he knew that his words comforted Spencer. He saw her eyes close, and her breathing steadied. She loosened her grip on Toby's shirt, and then she just lied in his arms, breathing in and out, in and out.

Silence was the loudest sound the room that night, as the young couple just held each other. But who would've ever guessed that someone had heard and saw everything. They saw what happened, and now, they were ready to tell. The black hooded person peeled away from Spencer's house, and pressed in a call. After three rings, someone picked up. "Hello?"

"It's me. Toby knows. You have to make your move now if we're going to stop this" The hooded person hissed. "I know. Trust me; I'm not going to let them keep this to themselves." The person on the line promised back, their voice high pitched and scratchy.

"You know what you need to do" The hoodie whispered. "Yes. I do. Goodbye Wren" The person on the line said. "Goodbye." And then Wren hung up, running down the street, a demonic smile on his face as he stopped at a corner, writing in a new drug that he knew would end this all. All he had to do was sneak in Spencer's house and apply it to any drink…

To Be Continued.


	2. Chapter 2: The Cryptic Message Sent

A small sound wailed from the corner of a street. The wails echoed off the surrounding houses, and people gathered outside a gated wall that was coated in green vines, not allowing any vision of the large house beyond. No one knew something so horrible could happen on this beautiful day. Another sound was going through the night. A cry, someone so upset it was ruining the birds call from the trees that were as blank as paper. Someone screamed out a loud wail, this wail hitting the dark house, seeping through the door.

The wail of the car came to a halt at the end of the street in front of the dark gate crawling with vines. A man in red and white jumped from the back of the car. "Yes, we're here at the ( ) residence, ma'am, calm down, you just need to breathe." The woman on the phone was crying. "Will ( ) make it? Please, help ( )! ( ) is dying!" The woman cried into the phone. "Stay calm ma'am, please, we'll do everything we can to save ( )."

The woman was still crying, her sobbing shaky. "Okay, but please get here now!"

The man hung up, and three other men in red and white jumped out, two carrying the stretcher. All the men ran past the gate, as police kept prying visitors out.

It was quite the scene. A body that was pale lied on the ground inside the ( ), rejecting to move. The crying person was above this body, their hands not leaving their body. "Keep away from ( )!" They kept hissing, but the tears stopped the person from talking.

The wails surrounded the man in red and white, as they lifted the choking victim onto the stretcher. Carrying the lifeless body out of the house, the man looked back as the young ( ) chased after the body on the stretcher. "Please, let me come with you guys! ( ) needs me, please!" The young ( ) wailed. The man in red and white nodded towards the others, as the body on the stretcher was placed into the car. The young ( ) jumped into the car, next to ( )'s body, talking their hand.

The man in red and white knew that ( ) had the slightest chance of making it. But by the look on the young ( )'s face, the man knew that this young ( ) didn't know that.

A Few Hours Earlier:

Spencer woke up from a dream of many colors. When she opened her eyes, she saw she was still on him. Toby was asleep, but his arms were still around her. Spencer couldn't help but smile at the sleeping boy. Spencer suddenly felt so sick; it made her dizzy as her stomach churned. She got out of Toby's arms, prying away his arms from her waist, and ran to the bathroom, throwing up.

As she threw up, she heard Toby's shoes enter the bathroom. "Don't, I'm fine" She whispered. But Toby didn't stop, he grabber a few locks of her hair, and held them behind her head as she felt the urge again, the fluid escaping her mouth. "I'm sorry" Spencer whispered after she was done. But Toby looked at her, confused, as she sat on top of the toilet seat, breathing heavily.

"There's nothing you should be apologizing about, Spencer." Toby let go of her hair, pressing his hand on top of her knee. "Do you know when you're parents will be home?" Toby asked, looking back into her bedroom. "Yeah, tomorrow noon probably, why?" Toby turned back to her. "Because I'm staying here."

Spencer knew he would say something like that. He was always so much more concerned about her than himself. "Toby, no, you don't need to"—

"Yeah, but I want to. We're in this together Spencer." Spencer nodded, and took Toby's hand in hers, she felt his strong veins in his hands and the bone, and then the muscles that allowed his fingers to move in her hand, and squeeze hers, which sent a small spark of comfort. She always admired his hands, they were so strong, but, when she felt them, they were gentle. Just like him. He was the strongest person she knew, but he was also the most gentle. "Why would you do this for me?" Spencer asked, looking at their interlocked hands. Toby's eyes made a confused arch, like that was a rhetorical question.

"I'm doing this because I love you Spencer. I love you, and no matter what happens, I'm going to be here for you." Spencer smiled, and she stood up, and she let her hands drop to be in front of her stomach, and she walked back out into her bedroom, sitting on the red leather side couch,

Toby following, and sitting at the edge of the couch, touching Spencer's ankle. "Are you hungry?" Toby asked.

Spencer already knew the answer, and she was guessing he did too when her stomach growled, breaking the silence. Toby just smiled, and got up, beginning to head to the door. Spencer watched his back muscles move under his shirt, as he stretched, before leaving her room. "I'm on it!" Toby called. Spencer got off the couch, and walked quickly behind him. He walked down the hall where there were many pictures of the family, and then he headed down the stairs slowly, still not fully awake. Spencer caught up with him, and she grabbed his hand, and Toby turned, smiling, and he walked her to the kitchen. Spencer sat down in the bar seat, letting Toby's hand go as he opened the refrigerator.

"Hmmm, there's bacon I see, eggs… Aha, and mushrooms; my worst enemy!" Toby joked. She could tell he was trying to brighten her mood, and she smiled at his small mushroom comment. Toby pulled the carton of eggs out, along with the Ziploc bag of bacon. Then, she saw him open the cabinet that was in the island piece of the kitchen, and pulled out two pans, before setting them onto the burners, setting both the burners on medium. He opened another cabinet that was above his shoulder, and grabbed the vegetable oil, spraying it into both pans. Then, he pulled a bowl from a cabinet below the table; cracking four eggs into the boil, then stirring it violently.

After Toby was done cooking the eggs and the bacon, he mixed in some mushrooms with the egg, just the way Spencer liked it. Toby kept the mushrooms far from his plate though. Spencer smiled gratefully at Toby, as she took her plate. He took a seat next to Spencer, not touching his food, and looked at her. Spencer cocked her head. "What's wrong?" Toby touched her shoulder gently. "How are you feeling?" He asked, the protective voice coming out clearly. She didn't exactly know how she felt, about the pregnancy, about Alison being back, about everything. "I don't know."

They ate in silence after that, she could tell he was uncomfortable with Spencer's answer, but she knew she was being completely honest with him with that answer. When she finished eating, she suddenly heard the door knock. Someone opened the door. Toby stood up straight, staring at whoever entered. Spencer turned her body toward the door and she also stiffened to who was standing there in her living room. It was Alison. "Alison… what are you doing here?" Spencer asked in a shaky voice. Spencer took in her appearance, blonde hair that was always wavy, her black sneakers, the army green jacket, her worried expression.

"I've been trying to call you all day. When you didn't pick up any of my calls I got worried…" Alison looked away from Toby, as she started walking towards Spencer. "Hi, Toby" Ali tried to say gently. Toby was still frozen. He had never seen Ali ever since the night she disappeared. "Hi, Ali" Toby's voice was a little shaky, but he tried to sound casual.

Ali looked back and forth from both Spencer and Toby, and smiled. "You guys really do look great together… I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" Ali asked her voice not as shaky as it had been before. Spencer shrugged, answering with, "It's fine. Really"—

But then she felt the urge, the sickening urge. She immediately ran away from Toby and Ali, zipping to the bathroom that was down the hall. Ali chased after her, Toby trying to stop her with a simple, "Ali, don't"—

But Ali was already at Spencer's side as she threw up inside the toilet, gagging. Ali's eyes were wide with concern, as her eyes began to put the pieces together. Toby saw Ali's expression and he sighed. Spencer finished up, and she shuttered in goosebumps.

"Spencer… oh, Hun, are you"—

Spencer only could nod to Alison, as she felt tears spring to her eyes. Spencer almost fell when she tried to stand back up, and Ali backed away, her eyes furrowed in concern, her mouth slightly hanging open. Toby helped Spencer up. Ali kept looking at Toby in an apologetic way.

She touched Spencer's shoulder as Spencer walked out of the bathroom, heading to the living room. "Is that why you didn't answer my calls? Or Emily's?" Ali asked calmly. Spencer nodded once again, sitting on the couch. Toby sat next to her, holding her shaky hand. Ali sat across from them, on the foot rest.

"Spence, if you're really… if you're really pregnant… What if A finds out?" She whispered the last part. Spencer never thought of that.

If A really did already know, what could they be plotting? Spencer couldn't even imagine. After Shana had been killed, they thought it would be over; but how wrong the five girls were. Things had actually gotten even worse. Why did this have to happen? Now she knew she was going to be an easy target for this new A, and the thought frightened her.

"I don't know… at this point, anything could happen." Spencer stuttered, her words shaking off her tongue. "You know I won't let that happen." Toby said, his voice strained with emotion, and she knew he had thought about what A could possible do. The possibilities were endless shots of different ways to hurt Spencer, or the baby. Toby pulled Spencer to his side, Spencer shut her eyes the thoughts unbearable. Ali continued talking.

"Spencer, just take it easy okay? We'll figure this out, we always do"—

"Ali, I think it'd be best if you just left…" Toby whispered over to her, feeling Spencer shake violently against him. Ali looked hurt for a second, but then nodded, and touched Spencer's knee. "Do you want me to tell the girls…?" She asked. But Spencer knew that would put them in danger, and in a pit of worry. Spencer shook her head, no. If this got out to more than Toby and Alison, she wouldn't know what to do. If her friends knew, she felt like they would never stop pitying her, worrying about her. She knew it was already bad with Ali and Toby being the two protective guards around her. But Spencer knew she appreciated that Alison wanted to be there for her, wanted to help. It was the first time in her whole life it seemed like Ali had cared really for Spencer. The fear of Toby or Ali getting hurt killed Spencer. She knew that since they already knew, something was bound to happen, a threat, a note, or some cryptic message of some sort. That was just the way A was.

Ali got up, and she took her hand off Spencer's knee. "Spencer, if you need anything… Just call me." Alison then did something Spencer and Toby both weren't expecting. She leaned down, and pulled Spencer into a hug. Not just a lousy loose hug, but it was hug that calmed Spencer down, the smell of Ali's light perfume filling the air. She hugged Ali back, feeling her arms squeeze gently on Ali's back, and Ali held her back, slowly rocking Spencer to and fro. It felt…nice. Even for Spencer, she enjoyed the hug. It made Spencer calm down. It was a friendly hug. A sisterly hug.

Ali got up, and began to walk out, before looking at Spencer in a kind way, and Spencer smiled back. "Thank you, Alison." Spencer sniffled. "Anytime Spence"

And with that, Ali was gone. All that was left was the shaky couple on the couch, the air dim and cold. There was silence for a few minutes. Toby just held Spencer. Time passed. But Spencer just wanted him to hold her, right there. Spencer closed her eyes, and stayed in his arms. After a while, Spencer still tasted the gross vomit taste in her mouth. She pried herself out of Toby's arms. "Where are you going?" Toby asked. "Just getting a drink." Spencer answered. Toby let her go, and Spencer walked into the kitchen.

She opened the fridge and grabbed the container of orange juice. Spencer felt the oddly weak effort to lift the container, as she placed the container on the counter. She then grabbed a glass cup from the cabinet above the stove, and filled up the glass. She lifted the small glass to her lips, and took a chug. She set the glass down, the vomit taste disappearing. Spencer began walking towards Toby…

When she felt a overwhelming sense of pain in her gut.

She let out a bloodcurdling scream, as she fell to the floor of the kitchen, and slouched into a fetal position. Toby sprang across to her, his eyes so worried and so pained.

"Spencer?! Spencer!" Toby cried, and then, there was a loud creak as someone entered the kitchen. It was Spencer's mother. "Oh my God! Spencer, oh my God!" Veronica yelled, dropping her suitcase, and running over Spencer. "Call the ambulance!" Toby cried, pulling Spencer into his lap, trying to sooth Spencer, but then pain in her gut was overbearing, it felt like a thousand knives were slicing throw her. Spencer let out another gasp in pain, crying silently.

Veronica was telling the ambulance the address. She was freaking out over her dying daughter.

Will my daughter make it? Please, help her! She's is dying!" She cried into the phone.

Toby looked down at Spencer, and felt Spencer go limp in his arms.

The world drained of color before his eyes, his angel's wings going down. "No! Spencer, Spencer, Spencer, God, no, no, no! Please stay awake baby, come on!" Toby cried. She held Spencer's limp body in his arms as the ambulance ran inside the house, a stretcher ready for Spencer's body. But Toby almost punched the first guy when he tried to grab Spencer's wrist. But the thought of not feeling Spencer's touch, it was brutal to him. Hot tears went down Toby's face as he felt her body go cold, her eyes closing.

"No, Spencer, don't you close your eyes! Please, don't leave me…" Toby was sobbing now.

The men grabbed Spencer's wrist and ankles to lift her. "No, keep away from her!" Toby cried. But he felt Mrs. Hastings grab Toby's arms, and pry them away from her waist, as his angel was taken from him. "No, Mrs. Hastings, let me go!" Toby sobbed. He got her to loosen her grip, as he sped away from her, towards the men in red and white.

"Please, let me come with you guys! She needs me, please!" Toby was begging to them, and the men saw how devastated he was, how heartbroken. They nodded, as they lifted Spencer into the ambulance truck, a mask being placed over Spencer's pale lips and nose. Toby could barely stand the sight of the love of his life. He jumped into the ambulance truck, holding Spencer's limp hand. He kept whispering the same thing over and over again.

"I love you, I love you, I love you…"

The red and white car drove away into the busy day, and four girls wondered what this scene could be. These four girls knew Spencer very well… And Aria, Emily, Alison, and Hanna had no clue their best friend, Spencer, was dying.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Another second that Spencer's heart wasn't beating.

A had gotten just what he/she wanted. Somewhere, sometime, they were laughing. They were planning. Plotting more ways to torture the girls. And, hell, they were not even close to done.


	3. Chapter 3: Letting Go

There was no way, absolutely nothing. She couldn't see anything, not even the color black. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Something, someone, some demonic figure, had lured her into their deadly trap, and now she was the one paying the price. But, there was one thing she could do. All she could do was see and hear flashing images of the loved ones, even some of the hated ones.

But, she felt the urge of regret. She felt the regret of ever loving all of these people that had taken care of her, because if she did die, if she didn't make it, she would break more hearts than her own. Her heart that had always been strong with stubbornness and wisdom now was weak and little with fear and pain. She didn't know what was more terrible. The fear or the pain, she just couldn't imagine leaving everyone; that fear cut her soul. But this pain in her stomach was so intense, like it was a bottle of rage and ruin that was ripping through her.

She could hear the faint sound of a voice. A voice she had heard over and over again, the voice weak, yet the only thing that was keeping her from giving up.

"I love you, I love you, I love you…"

It was the same phrase over and over again. But, when she heard his voice, the love of her life, by her side, she couldn't give up. Not on him, not on herself. And now, she couldn't give up on the baby. Sure, she had only found out two days ago, but the baby was hers. It was her son, or her daughter. It was half Spencer, half Toby. She couldn't give something so precious up to the world. She wanted this baby to see its strong mother, it wonderful and loving father. She wasn't ready to give up. After all this time she had with Toby, after all the damn good times she had with him, she was not going to give up. Not yet.

**_Not ever. _**

She felt a flash of… something… flow over her body, a surge of light. She felt her limbs shake, and she saw the white flash of beaming light, and she kept thinking,

"No! I'm not ready to die, please; I don't want to die…" She heard herself screaming at this growing light. She felt her resistance, and then… It was over. The light was gone, and now she was seeing the colors of red, blue, white…

And she opened her eyes.

When she did, she felt two heavy clamps of metal over her chest, and she gasped out to breathe, and tried to look around. She was surrounded by three men in ambulance suits, and a woman holding the electric shock machine that was used to start a non beating heart. She let out another gasp, as the feeling of her limbs came back to her. She heard a loud ringing in her ears as she turned to her left, leaning towards the silent crying of him. It was Toby; he was sitting right next to her.

"Spencer, oh my God, you're okay." He whispered, and he grabbed her left hand, kissing the top of it. The loud roar of the ambulance truck sounded from above, and Spencer couldn't even find the power to say anything back, to even squeeze his hand. She just felt numb; the only thing she really felt was the overwhelming stabbing feeling in her gut and the warmth from Toby's hand. She tried to concentrate on that feeling, and nothing else, as she felt the prick of a needle go into her arm, drawing blood probably for testing. She also felt the irritating tips of breathing tubes in her nose, but she ignored them, breathing in the metallic smell from hospitals. Toby stroked her fingers in-between his palms lightly, as his breathing stayed unsteady, but he seemed not as shaken.

Suddenly, she felt something in her throat, and she bent over to her right, the ambulance moving away, as she vomited out a disgusting taste of metal and sand, and a dark red liquid flowed out of her mouth. She sputtered it out, Toby's eyes widening in fear, the other doctors trying to push her back on the stretcher, but Spencer felt like she couldn't breathe. She heard the loud thudding of her heart monitor as it began to race quickly. She felt her whole body shake, as the people took off her breathing tubes, placing on a face mask, and they were talking quickly, but she couldn't hear what they were saying.

"Must be some kind of lye…"

"The antidote…"

She heard those types of small things, but she couldn't make out exactly what they were saying. Lye, a cleaning material that's also used as a sort of torture, a punishment back in around the 1940's. Great, even on Spencer's deathbed, she was being factual. Spencer closed her eyes, her throat throbbing, her insides on fire.

She looked over at her desperate boyfriend, trying her best not to scream out in agony. She just wanted to see him, to feel his hand on hers. But, how could she keep this up? When, by far, this was the worst physical pain she had ever felt. But she knew the pain of losing him, of never hearing his voice, never feeling his touch on her skin, never seeing his beautiful angel eyes, was a much more extent pain that she would never be able to bare. It scared her, scared her so bad. She didn't want to die. Not because she wouldn't ever be able to live again. It was because she didn't want to leave the people that she loved the most, that had made her somebody, that had made her want to fight right here, in this moment. She wasn't ready to let go of Toby, or Emily, Hanna, Aria, Alison, her family. She wasn't ready.

God, she was not ready to go.

"I don't want to die." Were the first words she said. The small motion that rolled off her tongue felt true, cold. She then felt tears go down her pale cheeks, feeling her chest shake with a sob.

She hated herself for saying that. She hated it. Why did she say that? Cause now, she could feel the sad stares from the ambulance, the heartbroken crack in Toby's chest when the words processed through his head. Toby leaned over her, still sitting.

"Don't say- say that. You're not dying on me, you can't." Toby cried his voice miserable.

Spencer looked at him, and she just stared back at him. She looked at his eyes, the iris in his eyes; the different strands of blended blues in his eyes, so full. She even tried to count the lines that decorated his eyes with this soothing oceanic color. She remembered the first time looking into those eyes. Oh, how she knew she'd miss those eyes… Cause she could feel herself beginning to give up. She could feel herself going numb again. God, this hurt her. It hurt more than the real pain in her stomach, all around her body. She could see his desperate eyes, seeking her to answer him. But she couldn't. she couldn't even say that she loved him. And she knew if she did, it would mean she was giving up. So she didn't. She didn't say those words that would leave a cold mark on him. She wouldn't even bring herself to look back at him, as she turned her head away from him, staring at the light above her. It bothered her eyes, but she didn't care. She could feel the car slow down as it reached the hospital. She could hear ringing again loud and clear in her ears. She felt the numbness take her body over completely. Then, she shut her eyes, not even being able to feel Toby's hand anymore. She could only see a shutter of light, as darkness suddenly filled the car, the doors opening as she was being pulled out. As they pulled her out, she felt herself drift. And she heard him. She heard him cry, cry out a few last words to her.

"I'll never let you go, Spencer. Not ever."

But before she could see his eyes again, before she could feel him hold her, before she could hear him cry, she fell into a pit of light. Not darkness.

Light.

And even though she hated going, now, with all the pain gone, and just hearing his words to her, she felt okay. She was okay now. She had to be.

The stretcher was pushed through the wide halls of the white hospital. He couldn't bare it. A few people had to stop him at the surgery room, but… He wasn't ready to let her go. He felt his limbs shake as he saw her close her eyes and her hand dropped from his, leaving a cold and lonely mark on his palm. She was pulled away from him, more like he was pried away from her… her, body. He couldn't see her soul anywhere, but at the same time, he could feel her energy; the lightness of her hair, the smooth skin on her arms. He could smell her Stella perfume; he could see her chocolate brown eyes that were always squinted in concentration when she was studying. He could hear her laugh, that was so light, so beautiful, and it would force Toby to smile too. He also could hear her singing. Singing when they would be on a phone call on night, when she had no idea he was still on. It was like nothing he heard before. He remembered her voice rising at the tune, then dropping into something melodic, so perfect. He felt so lucky to have her, so lucky to love her.

Lucky to _have loved_ her.

But now… she was gone. He could feel it. She was gone, and he couldn't do anything about it. He hadn't even been able to kiss her one last time, he hadn't been able to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay. He would never live to see her smile again, never live to see their child. He would never live to see her get older with him, to be by his side somewhere. He wouldn't ever hear her say that she loved him; he would never hear her sing or laugh. He would never be able to touch her soft and delicate skin between his calloused fingers after playing hours of guitar. He'd never be able to dance with her again, and how right it had felt the one night of the beginning of the end. These thoughts and realization sent a surge of sorrow and rage. Toby let out a sob, and he fell to the floor on his knees, the female nurse from the ambulance truck touching his shoulder. He couldn't hear her words, but he could tell by her soft and quiet voice, she was trying to soothe him.

But how could that even be possible now? How could he move on from this? How could he live without her, his girl, his goofball. His Spencer.

The pain struck him like a bullet. He felt it surge through his usually strong soul, as the loss hit him in the heart. The tears stopped flowing, and he just felt himself kneeling on the floor, the tile sinking into his knees, his hands shaking on the smooth white pavement. He had this sinking feeling in his heart, as just a flow of tears went down his cheeks, he could only stare at his left hand that had held… hers… in his. He knew if he thought about anything other than that hand, he'd start sobbing again. No one blamed him. He felt the nurse try to lift him up, and he felt his shaking legs push him up, looking at the double doors of the surgery room. He saw the doors where she had passed, and felt another sob stab through his chest. His whole world just came crashing down, right on top of him. There was just nothing. No hope, no happiness, no nothing; just pain. But all of this pain came so quickly, it was a numbing pain he felt. And it was beyond brutal, straight to the feeling of loss and hopelessness.

His breathing was heavy with dread of his lost lover. He didn't want it to be true. He couldn't let her be dead. He just wouldn't be able to bare it.

"Listen, young man, look at me," The nurse looked at Toby, standing in front of him, holding his face in-between her hands, small and cold. Toby was too weak to pull away. "I'm going to do everything I can to help her? But you got to stay strong, you have to. I promise, but you have to do me this favor, okay?"

He looked at the blonde nurse, her hair in a messy bun, glasses hanging from her neck. She seemed to be around forty. Her hair was in a pixie cut, and her wide blue eyes looked into Toby's, searching for an answer from him. "Okay…" Toby let out, still shaking. The nurse lead him over to the waiting room, and he sat down on the chair closest to the surgery room.

"I'll come out if there's any news." The nurse said gently, touching his shoulder. "Thank you." He replied, his voice not recognizable. Just then, he heard devastates thuds of feet along the halls, and four worried girls came rushing into the waiting room, looking around desperately. One of them saw Toby.

"Emily." Toby called, his voice strained. Aria, Emily, Hanna, and Alison ran toward him. Emily got to him first, hugging Toby as he stood up. He felt more tears roll down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Toby!" Emily cried, her tears flowing out. As soon as the three other girls saw Toby cry, they were sobbing. Toby just held onto Emily, his best friend, not being able to process anything in his whole body. Emily, he could feel, understood, and just held him. Aria looked at Toby, and Toby looked at her. She looked away, ashamed, and frightened. The others were standing, Alison holding Hanna's hand sadly. Emily pulled away.

"My mom got a call from Mrs. Hastings… What happened?" Emily sniffled, wiping away a tear.

Toby didn't even know if he could manage to spew out the words of what happened. He looked at her for a few seconds. She had a messy ponytail in, and a white t-shirt, jeans, leather boots. Aria was wearing a blue scarf, and a black cheetah tee, a skirt, and laced shoes. Hanna was wearing a black jacket, black jean, dark stripes in her pale blonde hair. Alison was still wearing her army green jacket with jeans.

"She… she was poisoned… by- by" But he couldn't finish. He sat back down in his chair, and sobbed into his hands. "Oh God, I'm so sorry Spencer… I'm so sorry…"

Emily bent down in front of him, grabbing both of Toby's hands in hers. "Don't blame yourself Toby, no one could've possibly known…" Emily stopped, because she was choking too. Everyone was sitting down then, Emily having to stand; she wouldn't take her eyes off the floor. The other girls did the same, their bodies uncomfortable, scared, and stiff. But Toby was shaking, as if he were a time bomb that was bound to go off. He didn't know how long he could take it. He didn't even know if she was **alive.**

What he did know, is that he loved her. And that he would never love anyone else as much as he loved Spencer. She was the only Spencer Hastings in this whole world, and he was never going to say goodbye to her, not after this night, not ever. But he did know, is that if she did make it, he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He would never leave her side again; never forget to hug her, to tell her how much he loved her. He would never forget she liked two spoons of sugar in her black coffee. He would never forget he would have to massage her shoulders between her neck and her shoulder when she was studying. He would never forget to hold her when her parents would be yelling at her. He would never forget to kiss her when she would say that she loved him. He would never forget.

Hell, he just wanted to see her again. He just wanted to touch her face, to see her small two freckles on the left side of her face. He just wanted to feel her warmth when they hugged, or her smooth lips when they kissed after a long day. He just wanted to hold her hand like when they would go on walks together when a day at home had gone bad for them. He longed to see her again. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted her. That's all. How could that be too much to ask for? All he wanted was to have her. And now he may never even see her look at him ever again.

Time passed in silence, each second turning into hours. Toby didn't want to even see other people. He knew they were staring at him. He knew they probably pitied the lost boy who lost his beautiful girlfriend on this frightful day. It was so unfair. It shouldn't have been her. He would've gladly taken that damn lye. He would've. But he felt stupid for even thinking that; leaving her. It was all so pointless.

That's when a blonde nurse with a pixie cut walked out. She had an emotionless face on.

"Are you all here for Spencer Hastings?" She asked her voice monotone. They all looked up, and stood. Toby stood up first. He barely could stand; he knew this was going to be the news of his life.

Emily and the girls looked equally desperate for the answer.

"I'm here to tell you, they had her in surgery to remove all the particles of lye in her system, clear it out, get her back to normal. But… the lye dosage was somewhat enhanced…."

Toby waited, his heart pounding.

"She ( ) going to make it."

Toby's heart stopped. And Emily gasped. They all stood frozen, not knowing what to do.

Tick tock.


	4. Chapter 4: News and Reality

There was no reaction, no movement. The air was still, and he could hear Aria let out a shaky breath. This moment was the most important moment in his life. The result, the conclusion, the end.

_"__She will probably make it"_

Those five simple words. Yet, these words changed everything. Changed how Toby would live, how her friends would live. Toby felt his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't believe it! She was going to make it, God, she was going to be okay. He didn't know whether to cry of joy, or just smile and breath in relief. The nurse saw Toby shake and he sat down. He folded his arms against his chest, and a few tears fell from his eyes. "I thought she'd never wake up." Toby whispered, and the nurse walked over to him, rubbing his shoulder.

He really didn't know what he would've done if she hadn't made it. He probably would've died along with her; his whole heart would be frozen and cold forever and always. He felt something spark inside him, the urge to never let her go, not ever again. She could've died tonight, and he wouldn't have ever seen her again.

But she wasn't going anywhere. She was going to live, and he was the happiest man alive to know that. "Oh my God, she's going to be okay." Toby had to say the words to make sure that this moment were real, and that he wasn't just daydreaming. But the nurse was still there, and Spencer's friends were still smiling of relief. She really was going to live.

Then he looked up, and saw that Mrs. Hastings and Mr. Hastings were running towards the nurse, and they both saw Toby. "She's going to be okay." The nurse told the worried parents. Veronica let out a shaky breath, Mr. Hastings pale, but then breathed. Veronica came over to Toby, leaning towards him.

"Are you alright, Toby?"

Toby looked at her, and nodded. "I really want to see her." Toby whimpered, because he had to see her to make sure she was okay, to hold her hand. He just wanted to see her. Mrs. Hastings gave him a gentle look of sympathy, but Toby probably sounded selfish, these were her parents, they, of course, were going to see her first. But Mrs. Hastings smiled, as she turned to the nurse.

"Nurse, can this young man see my daughter?" Mrs. Hastings surprisingly asked. Toby looked at her, shocked, and Veronica winked at him, and Peter just nodded when Toby looked at him for approval. Toby never saw Spencer's parents really accept him, for being her boyfriend, for being in her life, but now he could see they appreciated that they had Toby to rely on to be there for Spencer.

"Sure, I'll lead you right this way." The nurse replied, smiling, and grabbing Toby's arm, and pulled him down the hall, past the surgery room, taking him to turn to the left. He felt his heart beat in every part of his body, louder, stronger, growing excited to see her, but also concerned that she would be in pain. Time seemed to slow down for him, like everything between these ticking seconds was changing him. Changing him to be even more grateful, and much more protective. He knew that Spencer always appreciated him being the "alpha male", but she also thought he had always been overreacting. But now he knew he was that way for a reason. It was because something like this happened; something that could've easily taken her life, and could've ruined his life for good. They kept walking. It was a hall of doors, but there was one door that he stopped at. He could feel it; he knew she was in there. He looked into the room through the shutters along the glass, and he saw her.

There were the sounds of her quivering small heart, the sound echoing through the room quietly, and Toby could even hear her small shaky breaths, in and out. She was so fragile, here, under the secure lights of the hospital. She was asleep; her eyes closed gently, her hands on her sides. She had nose tubes plugged into her nose, hooking around her ears. Her auburn hair was evenly parted on each side of her face. Her skin seemed pale, but it was still her, it was still Spencer. He could even see her two freckles from this far, on her left side of her face. God, he thought he'd never see her breathe, never see her chest rise and fall softly.

Before Toby could go in, the nurse stopped him. She had a serious look in her eyes, when she whispered to Toby, "During surgery, the doctors had to take an ultrasound of her stomach… I don't know if you know… but she's"—

"Pregnant. I know." Toby finished the nurse's sentence. Toby suddenly got worried, the baby could be hurt. "Wait, is the baby okay?" Toby asked; his voice suddenly stripped with worry.

The nurse sighed. "The lye substance… it was too strong… the baby was so small, we tried everything we could but the lye was already in the fetus's system… she had a miscarriage. I'm so sorry. We will do everything we can to make her comfortable." She tried her best to stay gentle, but he could tell this was hard for her to tell him. Toby felt his eyes tear up. A small life, half Spencer, half him, was gone. Sure, he had never grown attached to the baby, but… it was still a part of her. Apart of him; and now the poor baby died. –A, this new demon, killed their baby.

"We are going to have to tell her parents… for the new Medicare she'll need for the miscarriage, and the lye that was in her system… I'm so sorry…" The nurse apologized again. But he just nodded, looking at Spencer through the shutters. "I just want to see her." That's all he could really say, what else could he bring himself to say? 'Okay'? No. None of this was okay. And, God, Spencer was going to have to hear about the miscarriage. He knew he would have to be the one to tell her, cause if it wasn't him, then she would be more agonized if it weren't.

The nurse slowly opened Spencer's door. Toby just nodded, he could barely contain himself to go running to her side. The room was cold, as Toby walked in. The nurse shut the shutter, and closed the door behind her. Toby walked very slowly to her, his feet heavy as her image became clearer and clearer. He had missed her so much, even though it had only been a few hours. And he could feel the overcoming dread as Toby knew she had no idea that their baby was gone.

He sat down next to her, the bed scrunching down with his weight, but he didn't see Spencer wince in pain or anything. She actually seemed quite peaceful. He was careful not to accidently tug on the IV needle that was in her forearm. There was a small sound of the dripping on the medicine from the IV tube, and he just sat there; staring at her. He didn't even know if he could touch her. He was too worried. He lightly reached over her, and touched her hand. It was cold, but it was still her hand. It was still her. And he still loved her.

Then, she stirred in her sleep. He could see her eyes squint, as she tried to open her eyes. Toby moved away from her, giving her room on the bed to stretch and adjust. She then opened her eyes.

Spencer remembered passing out. She remembered the light going out, and seeing Toby cry out in worry as she was wheeled away to surgery. But, she didn't remember anything after that. She only felt achy, and her throat and stomach hurt like hell. Her eyes were seeing dots in her vision, adjusting to the dim white light. She saw him. Sitting next to her, on her left, he was here. It was Toby, and he had his hand on hers, his hand warm and comforting. He stiffened when she looked at him, his eyes strained and red from crying.

"Toby… Toby…" She could only say his name, all she ever wanted to say. Toby put on a weak smile, and squeezed her hand. "I'm here, sweetheart. It's okay." His voice was weak and cracked, like he would burst out in tears in any second.

"Spencer, oh my God, I love you." Toby whispered, kissing her forehead gently. Spencer appreciated this small gesture, and some of the pain went away with his kiss. "Spencer, I thought… I thought you weren't going to make it…" Spencer grabbed his hand, bringing it to her neck, and resting her cheek along his knuckle, kissing his hand, and he got quiet, breathing deeply. "I'm okay…" She tried to say. Spencer tried her best to smile, but she felt her stomach sting in a shock of pain, and she frowned, wincing, and pulling at her sheets of her bed.

"Does it hurt?" Toby asked, his concern easily shown on his expression, of course, he was still the overprotective boyfriend. Spencer just sighed. Toby saw, and moved down on her bed, and Spencer pushed her sheets down, her hospital gown showing. She felt the pain coming from the left side of her stomach. Toby looked like he was going to pass out. She pulled her nightgown up, over the bottom of her stomach, to see her stomach wrapped in white bandages. Her lower stomach also was covered by a separate white bandage… but that wasn't where her stomach was, it was where her ovaries were… No. No. No.

Spencer felt a sob rip through her throat, and she felt Toby's hand on her back, as she sat up quickly, looking at her stomach.

"No… No, no…. The baby, oh my God!" Spencer cried, she felt herself sobbing all over again, and Toby pulled her gently into his chest. "I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry." He kept saying, trying to comfort her in his warm chest, which was shaking.

Spencer could feel herself being torn in half as she felt the loss of her baby, the emptiness. Her baby was gone, that… that bitch! –A had taken everything from her, and now, they had even gone as far as to kill her baby, Toby's baby. Spencer couldn't control the tears that came rushing down her cheeks, her hands shaking in fear and shock, her sobs filling the room loudly, overcoming the sound of her heart monitor rushing along with her mad heart. Toby just held her, not saying anything, because she knew he was just as evenly upset and pissed about this. Spencer had lost her baby, oh, God. She closed her eyes shut, praying this was all just a disgusting and horrible nightmare, that none of this had really happened, that she would wake up back in her bed, in Toby's arms. But that never happened. She was still in the itchy and thin bed sheets, and she was still crying, and Toby was still shaking while holding her. It was all too real, the pain, the loss, the agony, it all rushed over her like a heat wave. It was too much.

"The baby is gone… She, he, they're gone…" Spencer whispered in a sob. Toby shushed her, rocking her gently. He kept rocking her gently, knowing his words couldn't go much. It wouldn't bring the baby back. Nothing would bring the baby back. No medicine, no words, no act. It was a small soul, a small life that was made from her and Toby's love, and now they were gone. She felt so much dread, so much hopelessness. But she felt Toby rubbing her back, and she knew she was grateful to be alive. She still had Toby, and that's all she really needed. But it was her baby that was now… gone… that was killing her. She hadn't even had enough time to name them, or find out if they were a boy or girl. Now she would never know. She felt her hot tears roll down her cheeks, onto Toby's shoulder.

It could've been minutes of Toby just holding her. But it was nice. He had rested into a sort of sitting/lying position, so Spencer could lie down onto his chest. She gripped onto his shirt, letting small tears roll onto his shirt, Toby's arms still around her. She felt her heart steady slowly, she knew she had to see her parents soon. They probably knew about her pregnancy by now, and she knew they'd probably yell at her later for this. But, she hoped they would understand this was out of her power. She couldn't have done anything, besides, now the baby was gone. Another sob ripped silently through her chest, and Toby gripped her around her waist, pulling her up, snuggling her into him, then he used his right arm to pull blankets up over her, tucking it over her shoulders, keeping her warm from the cold environment she was in. The pain had eased down, just to a bad cramp. But she knew she wouldn't have gotten this far if Toby wasn't here. He stayed still, and she could feel his chest rise and fall slowly, himself trying to stay calm for her to be comfortable. She felt the needle in her arm grow irritated, so she moved that arm over Toby's waist, where the tube could hang slightly off the bed, so it wouldn't rub along the needle. She felt her eye lids growing heavy, but she didn't want to ever sleep again. She always wanted to see Toby's arm around her, and she always wanted to feel his warmth against her body, lying here with her. She had lost her baby, but she hadn't lost Toby. And she was eternally grateful he was in her life. There was some part of her that wanted to move on from this, to forget about all the shit that had happened to her. But she knew these memories would haunt her forever. But Toby was going to be there for her, every step of the way, and that made things so much easier.

She remembered the night her and Toby, and the rest of the girls with their lovers, were all in that old house, trying to figure out plans to smart out –A. When Toby still had his long shaggy hair, and his blue button up shirt, and when Alison had just come back to school. When things weren't half as bad as things were now.

_"__So, we all know why we're here, right?" Caleb was the first one to speak. Everyone stayed quiet nodding. Toby and Spencer were standing in front of the window, facing the TV in front of them. Caleb and Hanna were standing to their left, shakily holding hands. Emily and Alison were sitting together on the same couch, holding intertwined fingers. Ezra and Aria sat in separate seats, not looking at each other; but glancing at the couples in the room. _

_"__This new –A, they're stronger. Now that Alison's back, she can't hide." Emily spoke out. The TV was white light, and Ezra had put together a scenario, everything that happened since the night Alison disappeared, trying to piece out who could possibly be the one who hit Ali, who would be torturing them now besides Mona. Mona was still a coldhearted bitch. They all knew it. _

_"__Ezra, are you sure you never saw anyone else in the hospital, at all?" Hanna asked, looked past Caleb. Ezra shook his head, no. "When I saw Shana, I tried to warn Aria, but… things got bad." He looked down, and Aria had an unemotional face. Toby shifted, his jacket touching Spencer's vintage cream colored coat. "Are we all sure Mona is still a member?" She spoke out, looking at everyone. Alison nodded, Emily replying, "Yes." The same time everyone else did. _

_"__She's never stopped threatening us. She was a bitch all along." Hanna replied, looking down, her eyes a little bit sad. "Okay, let's start the video, Ezra." Toby said. Ezra nodded, and clicked PLAY. _

_Images from different nights and event came on the screen, the information filling the screen, scrolling up. Ezra paused it on the night Alison went missing. _

_"__So, whoever hit you Alison, your Mom was covering for. It had to be someone she was close to."  
Everyone nodded, and Hanna said, "Jason." Spencer get irritated, she couldn't believe it was Jason. _

_"__Hanna, we don't even have any evidence that he did that. Do you really think he could've hit his own sister?" Spencer spat out not as nasty as she intended. Hanna looked at Spencer. "He was drunk, okay? Maybe he thought it was Cece"—_

_"__Guys, let's just stick to what we do know." Emily interfered. Hanna shut her mouth. Spencer looked away. "We know that someone wanted to… hurt… Alison." Emily said gently, then looked at Alison. "Are you sure you don't know who your Mom was covering for? Any family members, friends?" Alison just shook her head. "I don't know anyone… I don't know." Alison seemed a bit shaky, and Emily squeezed her hand gently. "Okay, this someone, it has to be someone she cared about, right? We have to have all of our minds open." Caleb replied, thinking.  
__"__Spencer." Caleb said. Spencer asked, "What?" He looked at her. "Your Dad, he… he had an affair with Mrs. Dilaurentis, maybe he got mad at Ali"—_

_"__Hey, I thought we were sticking to the facts!" Spencer said back. The room got quiet. "Spencer, when I was working in your yard, he did seem… shaky. Almost like he knew something." Spencer gave him a begging look of annoyance. "Look, I'm just saying, we have to be open to all suggestions." Spencer just shook her head. _

_Time went on, and they went through everything. Some things that others didn't know, and some were shocked. Spencer got uncomfortable when things went to Toby. About him being on the A Team. _

_"__Toby, was there anything you possibly could've heard or slipped by…?" Ezra asked. Toby shook his head. "Mona would only tell me about Redcoat, that they were in charge, and pulling her strings. Everything else was just… plans." Toby stopped, and looked away, knowing Spencer was uncomfortable. He reached behind her, grabbing her waist, and squeezing it lightly. The other's looked back at the TV screen, trying to piece together what was going on. Who was this newer –A? _

_As they were growing near the part of the girls getting to New York, Aria was keeping note of things going on. They were all busy, trying to solve this puzzle. Suddenly, there was a sound of a rock hitting the window behind them, and Toby gasped, and there was a loud explosion, and a BAM. _

_Glass shattered around Spencer, she could feel Toby throw her under him, trying to protect her, but she felt shreds of pain strike her right arm, and she winced in pain, screams echoing from the girls. The blast ended, and Toby helped Spencer up, and he looked at Spencer, taking her face in his hands. _

_"__Spence?" She felt dizzy, when she looked at her arm, it was just scratched. Toby saw, and gasped, and began to help her walk out of the room. _

_The girls and guys followed them, concerned. He sat her down in a chair in the kitchen, and Spencer lifted up her arm, now seeing the pain was coming from her side. A five inch long piece of glass was stabbed into her side, and she winced when she touched it. "Oh my God, you need to get to a hospital!" Hanna yelped, and Emily and Aria gasped , their eyes worried. Toby was leaning in front of her, his eyes searching over her body, looking for other wounds. _

_"__No, we can't! My Mom would never let me leave the house again." Spencer confronted, wincing again. _

_"__Someone go get some alcohol from the kitchen! Ezra yelled, and Caleb sprinted for the kitchen. "I'll get a washcloth, Aria, you go find a first aid kit" Emily spoke quickly. Aria ran off down the hall, Emily disappearing too. Alison, Hanna, and Toby were the only ones staying. _

_"__God." Spencer moaned, trying to put her arm down. "No, no, Spencer, don't try to move! It'll bleed." Alison whispered. Spencer looked at her, nodding, and pulled her arm behind her back. Her coat was pushed back. Toby grabbed the edge of the coat and he gently slipped it off of her. _

_"__Ow." Spencer gasped, as she rested her arm behind her back again. Toby pushed his hair behind his ear, as the rest of the group came running back with supplies. _

_Ezra grabbed the alcohol from Caleb, and he leaned towards Spencer. "No." Toby interrupted, grabbing Ezra's hand. _

_"__I have to, we have to control the bleeding!" Ezra said back. Aria crossed her arms, shaking in fear.  
__"__Let me do it." Toby asked, and Ezra handed him the bottle of alcohol. He brought it close to Spencer's side. "Just breathe, Spencer." He urged, and he tipped the bottle over her wound. Spencer tried not to scream in pain, the alcohol burning the wound, and Hanna took her hand, and Spencer squeezed her hand. Toby threw the empty bottle behind him. Caleb had the towel now, and he sat next to Toby, his hand ready around the hilt of the glass. "We need to take it out." Caleb told Toby, looking at him for permission, then at Spencer. Spencer nodded, painful tears in the corners of her eyes. Hanna let Toby take her hand, everyone's eyes turning away from the glass in her side. She felt Caleb grip the glass, and Spencer gasped and let out a short wail of pain as Caleb forced his arm back, gripping the glass, and pulling out in a slick movement. Spencer felt blood run down her side, she felt her vision go blurry, her limbs shaking. "It's out." Aria told her, but Spencer already knew that. Toby then helped Spencer lean a little forward, as she lifted up her shirt, revealing a bleeding side. Alison took the wrap bandages, and wrapped the tissue around Spencer's waist, covering the cut. The blade wasn't thick, but it had been long, and very painful. After that, Ezra ran to the area of the bomb, and gasped. He ran back with a piece of paper in his hand. _

_"__It's a note…" He whispered as Toby comforted her by rubbing her back. _

_Ezra turned the paper around, showing the group. _

**_Too bad! You're new little 'A' group was the bomb!_**

**_Kisses, -A_**

_This was definitely the beginning. _

Yes. It was.


	5. Chapter 5: The Picture Worth 1,000 Words

_"__No, Emily, you have to do your own homework." Spencer had told Emily. But Emily had no clue what she was doing for the Biology homework. She turned in her chair at her desk, giving Spencer a pleading look. Spencer was wearing a baggy cream colored shirt, jeans, and had her small brown backpack with her. Her hair was pulled back into a neat and preppy bun. She had tutored Toby for the first time that day."Come on, Spence, just a few tiny little questions?" Emily blinked her camel lashes at Spencer. Spencer groaned, and lied back on Emily's bed. "Fine, just a few." _

_Emily yelled out, "Yay!" And sat back down to face her homework. Spencer seemed distracted. "So, you saw Toby today?" Emily asked, her voice a bit on edge with the question. Spencer sighed. "Yeah." Emily turned away, dropping the subject. Emily adjusted her blue T Shirt back over her shoulder. _

_"__What are your thoughts on genetic modification?" Emily asked Spencer the first question._

_"__Aren't scientists playing God; and how it will affect human health in the long-term…?" Spencer answered, staring at Emily's ceiling. "So, I'm against it." Emily answered, righting down the answer. Spencer still seemed distracted. "He's different." She said, staring at the ceiling. Emily kept her eyes on her page, but asked, "How?"_

_"__I meant he's… different than I thought he would be."_

_Emily turned around to look at Spencer, smiled slightly, knowing she had the same feeling when she had first met Toby, and asked another question as she turned back away. _

_"__How have humans altered genome species for thousands of years?" Spencer answered quickly, "Artificial selection."__As Emily wrote that down, Spencer continued talking. "There's something about him that's… I don't know." Emily smiled, and turned around._

_ "__Wow. A question Spencer Hastings can't answer? Interesting…" Spencer leaned up on the bed, sitting up. She had a sarcastic look on her face of dissatisfaction. "It's not that interesting." She replied. "Am I finished with your homework?" She asked, looking at Emily. "You are." Emily replied, closing her book. "Thank you." Spencer sat up, looking down at the ground. _

_"__I keep trying to find a connection…" She said, Emily now looking at her. Emily was confused. _

_"__To Toby?" She asked. Spencer looked over to Emily. _

_"__To Alison and Toby… Me and Toby." She answered, looking down. Emily looked away, then Spencer looked back at Emily. "We're pretty sure he didn't do it, right?" She asked, looking nervously at Emily. Emily looked over to Spencer. "And yet, somebody found a way to make him look extremely guilty." Emily was slightly irritated. "Spence… you can't figure all that out, sitting on his porch, congregating verbs." Spencer answered sarcastically, "Well, you don't know those verbs." And got up off the bed, walking over to Emily, and grabbing her backpack to head out. _

_"__If he didn't tell you the first time, he probably can't." Emily exclaimed as Spencer began to walk towards Emily's door. Emily rested her arms the back of her chair, calling after Spencer, "Are you sure he even wants you to come back?" Spencer grabbed her coat, and looked back at Emily, replying, "Yeah, I think he does." And with that she walked out the door, calmly, and Emily watched her disappear. _

_Who would've known that first meeting with Toby, would've lead to all of this… _

Emily came back to and the rest of the girls were waiting patiently outside in the waiting room. Alison was sitting next to Emily, and she seemed to be worried. "Alison, what's wrong?" Emily asked quietly, touching her knee. Alison just sighed, and she opened her mouth to tell Emily something, but she got cut off when the blonde nurse walked over to them, and stood in front Spencer's parents. The nurse seemed like she was going to cry, and Emily and the rest of the girls stood up. The nurse kept her eyes on the parents.

"Mrs. Hastings, Mr. Hastings, I don't know if you had already known, but your daughter was pregnant." The nurse said quietly, making sure only the parents heard.

But the girls heard too, and Emily gasped. Alison slouched back into her chair. Aria spoke up, whispering to the girls. "Oh my God, she was pregnant?" Hanna shook her head. "Poor Spence, I hope she's okay." Hanna whispered. Aria and Hanna continued standing. Emily sat back down next to Alison. Alison didn't seem surprised at all by the news.

"You knew, didn't you?" Emily whispered to her. Ali looked at Emily, nodding, tears in her eyes.

"I went to her place when she wasn't picking up her phone, I thought something was wrong. When I got there, Toby was with her, and she seemed sick. I was talking to her… and I pieced together what was going on. I left, and I walked home. Soon after, I saw the ambulance trucks, and I saw Mrs. Hastings crying… So that's when I texted you guys to go to the hospital. I'm sorry; I promised her I wouldn't say anything." Alison seemed distraught, but Emily smiled slightly, touching her hand. "It's okay."

Mr. and Mrs. Hastings were still in shock. "Why, what's wrong?" Veronica spoke up, her voice monotone.

"While in surgery, we had… we had to remove the fetus. The fetus's body was too weak from the lye, and we couldn't leave the fetus inside her womb. We're so sorry; we'll do everything we can to make her comfortable." The nurse turned away, and walked away. Veronica had tears in her eyes. Peter patted her shoulder, his face unreadable. "God, she's going to freak out." Veronica whispered to him.

Emily walked up to the parents, looking down. "Hey Emily." Veronica said, her voice small. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Hastings… If you want, I'm willing to go and talk to her with the girls… It should make this easier for her… Only if you're comfortable with that." Emily suggested. Veronica looked at her husband, but Peter didn't move. Veronica just nodded. "She's down the hall, second door to the left." Emily whispered thanks to her, and she walked over to the girls.

They were all still processing that Spencer really had been pregnant, and now she had a miscarriage. Emily felt complete sorrow for Spencer, knowing if she did know already, she'd be devastated, and if not, Emily would have to tell her. She knew Toby was with her now, but she needed her friends too. Emily told the girls, "Let's go, we need to talk to her." Aria looked up. "I don't know what to say to her… I'm just… sorry." Aria whispered. Emily felt the same way, but she knew they had to make sure she was okay.

Emily began walking towards the hallway, and she heard the other girls rush behind her, to catch up with her. Aria was at Emily's side, Alison on the other, and Hanna was slightly behind Emily. The stopped at the door that had the shutters closed, and they heard voices inside, sounded like Toby and Spencer. Emily knocked lightly. She then opened the door handle, twisting it, and the girls peered inside. Spencer was curled up against Toby, she seemed tired, and Emily could tell she had been crying. She must have already known.

Spencer looked over to the girls. "Hey." Spencer called out to them, weakly. Toby got slowly up, squeezing her hand, and then walking over to the girls, whispering to them. "Do you guys know about… about…?"

"Yes." Emily replied, touching Toby's shoulder. "It's okay."

Toby nodded, and he walked around Spencer's bed, sitting on a chair to Spencer's left. Emily sat down on Spencer's bed, where Toby had been lying down, and the rest of the girls stood up, then Aria sat down next to Emily on the bed. "How are you feeling, Spence?" Aria asked. Spencer just sighed.

"I don't know… achy." Spencer answered, her breathing tubes shaking as she let out a shaky breath.

Spencer then had tears in her eyes. Alison spoke up, gently. "Spence, I'm so sorry." Alison had tears in her eyes too. Emily knew she could only really do one thing. She helped Spencer up, and hugged her. Spencer clung her arms around Emily's back, and Emily had her arms around Spencer's thin waist. Emily had her head in the nap of Spencer's neck, and she could smell Spencer's perfume slightly. Spencer squeezed Emily, and she felt Spencer's tears going into Emily's back. Spencer loved when Emily hugged her, it just felt so sisterly, and nice. Aria touched Spencer's leg, and rubbed it soothingly. Emily pulled back, and she got up to let Aria hug Spencer. Aria was smaller than Spencer, but it was just as shooting. Aria clung to Spencer, and Aria closed her eyes, breathing in softly.

Ali hugged her next, then Hanna, who was almost sobbing. Spencer was even shocked by how hard Hanna was crying. She wasn't crying loudly, but it was like Spencer was getting a shower for free. Hanna whispered to Spencer. "I love you so much, Spence." Her voice muffled into Spencer's shoulder. Spencer said back, "I love you too Han."

It felt nice to have them all here, but they all stayed gentle with Spencer. Emily could feel tears lightly falling down her cheeks, sadness for her poor friend that was lying before her. Aria stayed sitting next to Spencer. Aria seemed so distraught, more than a sobbing Hanna. Aria had a look in her eyes of sorrow, it was so intense, that Spencer hugged Aria again. Aria was really crying now. "I thought I had lost my Sparia friend." Aria confessed. Spencer cried now, and rubbed Aria's back. "Not ever, Aria." Aria just smiled, and pulled back, her arms still shaking. Aria was glad that she was okay, but she still felt the sorrow for her, that she had lost her baby.

Emily and the rest of the girls didn't know exactly what to say from this, hell, they didn't dare bring up the baby, or the pregnancy. Toby sat back on Spencer's left side of the bed, Spencer taking his hand.

"Are my parents here?" Spencer asked the girls. Emily nodded. "They arrived soon after we got here." Hanna spoke up. Alison still seemed nervous. Emily noticed, but she didn't want to ask her why. Alison looked into her leather bag, her eyes slightly widened, and then she dropped something back into her bag. Emily frowned. "Ali, what's going on with you?" She suddenly asked out loud, tired of Alison keeping secrets from her and the girls. Alison seemed nervous now, all eyes on her. Hanna stepped toward Alison. "Ali, come on. Tell us." Hanna almost threatened her, giving her a small glare. Alison looked at Spencer, gently, her eyes almost trying to be calm.

"I… I just got a text." Alison said quietly, her voice shaky. Hanna opened up her hand, showing Alison she wanted to see the text. Alison noticed and shrugged, taking her IPhone from her brown leather bag, and lightly dropping it into Hanna's hand. Hanna clenched the phone, and held it to her face, reading the text. She opened her mouth to read the text.

"Mission accomplished. One down, four to go. –A." Hanna exclaimed, her voice shaky. The girls tensed up, and Spencer looked down at the IV needle in her arm, expressionless. Toby touched her hand. "Spence"— But Spencer interrupted him. She looked up, first at Toby, then at the girls.

"No, I'm fine. But… I'm worried, what if this –A gets to one of you guys? I wouldn't be able to live with myself."—

"Spencer, none of this is your fault. We'll figure something out. We always do." Aria replied. Hanna was still glancing at Alison, who was still shaking. Hanna noticed something Alison's eyes, a nervous look, something like she was hiding something that Ali didn't want the girls to know. Hanna was tired of not knowing what was going on with Alison, and she wasn't afraid to speak up and confront Alison about what she knew. It was a typical Hanna move.

"Alison, there's more. I can tell. What else did this –A tells you?" Hanna asked her voice more commanding than begging. Alison looked at Spencer, apologetically. "They… they sent a text while I was in the waiting room… It was before that text Hanna just read." Alison motioned to Hanna to swipe the glass of the phone, and Hanna did to the previous text. Hanna's eyes widened then softened into a kind of guilty look. Hanna had tears in her eyes. Hanna moved past Alison, and sat next to Spencer gently.

"I… I don't know if I should show you this…" Hanna began, but Spencer cut her off, wanting the truth. "Just show me, it's okay Han." Hanna placed the phone in Spencer's open hand, and she looked at the screen, her eyes focusing on the image in front of her. Spencer could see the black image, there was a faint gray and white image of what seemed to be a small dot with smaller dots surrounding it. Then she realized what it said in the corner. **Ultrasound: Patient: Hastings, Spencer**.

It was her small baby.

"Oh my God." Spencer choked on a small sob, and covered her mouth with her hand. Toby leaned closer next to her, and saw the image too. He had tears in his eyes, and Emily and the other girls gathered around Spencer's right side, and they all realized that the image was the small baby. Emily and the other girls had tears in their eyes.

"It's my baby… Toby, God, this was our baby…" Spencer said through her tears. Toby touched the phone, and Spencer let him take it gently from her so he could see the details as well. Toby's eyes closed for a second, rejecting the reality that the small innocent one was gone. Toby scrolled down the screen to a small note hung at the bottom.

**One so small, yet meant so much. Too bad they're gone. –A**

Toby had the urge to crush the phone with his bare hand, but he just squeezed it. Spencer noticed. "Toby, what is it?"  
Toby looked across the room to Alison, and he gave her a look of knowing, and Alison then knew he saw the text below the picture. How could –A have possibly gotten that picture? Toby didn't understand… He didn't want any of this to be real. But it sure as hell was all real. Alison walked over to Spencer. Spencer wasn't crying so much now. Toby deleted the text with the –A message, and he handed Spencer the phone again, so she could look at the picture. Spencer had one hand on Toby's hand, and the other hand she had with the phone in it. She couldn't make herself pull her eyes from the screen, the image of her small beautiful baby. So small, so innocent… they didn't deserve any of this. She felt so much guilt over losing her baby, but she also was so glad at least she got to see the baby, see the baby herself. She wanted so bad to hold that baby she looked at now. She had never thought about keeping the baby, when she was pregnant, she was sure she was going to get an abortion or give the baby to adoption. But now that she lost the baby… she knew she was never going to give up on a future baby. Never again.

"I think… I think we need to have some kind of memorial… Just to- to remember the baby." Spencer said quietly to the people in the room, and Hanna nodded. Emily nodded too, "That sounds great, Spence." Emily said gently, hugging her shoulders.

Toby still had no real words to say, he was still too shocked. This new –A was up to something, as always, but he'd make sure that this –A would leave Spencer alone. Even if it got him hurt, he knew she already been through too much already. All the way up to now.

The girls left after this decision for a memorial, and they all promised to come back soon. Alison had gotten her phone back, and promised to send a picture to Spencer. Toby was still silent, trying to think this through. "Spencer… I'm sorry." He whispered to her, once they had left. "Toby, don't. It's not your fault." She replied, kissing his cheek. Toby hugged her, and Spencer just stayed snuggled into his chest. She had done this many times before, and one memory really stuck to her mind when they were snuggled up like this…

_Breathless, tired. But she was happy. She was happy he was back, that he was now here for Spencer to hold him again. He kissed her again, strongly, but he kept himself balanced above her so he wouldn't hurt her. Spencer was giggling, his kisses on her neck soft. He had just gotten back from London, and she had missed him so much. After he Mom had left, things got… intense. But in a good, great, way. Spencer had told him the same thing Alison told the police. That she had been kidnapped, and that Spencer and the girls had rescued her from New York. She hated lying, but telling him the truth would put him in danger with Aria being the one who had killed Shana, and this newer enemy, who ended up being bitch Mona who had scared Alison with a newer text. _

_But, here, now, she felt at home. Toby was shirtless, his hair long, and touched Spencer's cheek while he was kissing her neck. She felt her hands snake up over his arms, pulling him closer to her, feeling his body press along hers. The pleasure, the heat, it was all there. Spencer let out a small moan, feeling his bare skin along hers. She threw her legs to curl over his waist, and then pressed him closer to her. The friction between them both was driving them crazy, the long distance between them now being made up. _

_She didn't think about having sex, but, with him back, and clearly going in the same direction, maybe she should just let loose. She still had her leggings on and her white tank top with her black bra. But, Toby easily slid the leggings off of her. Her legs shook, nervously. She had almost forgotten this forbidden feeling of lust. But, now it was all rushing back to her. Toby was being gentle with her, but she wanted him more than ever now. He kisses her on the lips, and Spencer throws her hands behind his neck, bring his face close to hers. She wraps her legs around his torso tighter, urging him. Spencer then sits up, kissing him, and she reaches down Toby's chest, and unbuckles his belt, kissing him still. Within a few small seconds, he slides his jeans off, his boxers still on. Toby took this opportunity to kiss her, and now Spencer felt the heat intensify, more skin on skin. Toby reached up Spencer's tank top, and grabs the bottom, and pulling it up. Spencer lifts her arms up and Toby gently pulls the tank top off of her, and throws the tank top to her left. __Spencer then is left in her panties and her black bra. Toby kisses her under her chin, tracing himself down her, between the crease in her bra, over her soft stomach. Spencer lets out a small moan in pleasure, feeling Toby's hands roam up her legs, one hand stroking over her calf. Then, he slides himself back between her legs, and Spencer reaches behind her, and unclips her bra, then pushing the bra off of her from the front, throwing to her left, and bringing Toby's face back to hers. He kisses her, and he drops her gently to be lying back onto the bed, he grabs the bottom of her calf, pulling it over his waist, and he moans when the friction between grinds lightly. _

_"__Toby, I- I need you." Spencer moans between him kissing her neck. Toby moans back in response, and she can feel him pull at the thin string on her hip from her underwear. She lets him pull them off, and goosebumps jump all over her skin. He removes his boxers, and then it's only them. Nothing is keeping them apart, and nothing ever will. _

_After Toby had put on protection, he stayed above Spencer for a moment, just to look at her. "Are you sure you want me to…?" He asked his voice breathless. She nods in response, grabbing around his neck, inpatient. He kisses her one last time, before she feels her legs tighten around him, and she lets out a shaky and loud moan when she feels him slip inside her gently. Spencer is overwhelmed with this new pleasure, it felt new, it didn't feel like it had so many other times. Toby is sure to be gentle, but Spencer begins to grind on him herself when she feels comfortable. Toby begins kissing her neck, thrusting slowly at first. But Spencer urges him on, when she claws at his back, not to let blood come through, but to urge him. Toby gets the message, and he thrusts harder, faster. Not to the point where it's 'crazy', but to a point where Spencer feels herself tighten around him, and she grips her sheets around her, closed fists. Toby can't kiss her neck anymore, but he keeps his head on the side of her head, his breathing fast and rigid. Spencer let's out shaky breaths, and she traces her hands up Toby's arms, and then clenches her hands around his biceps. She keeps herself steady, shutting her eyes, just feeling the pleasure. Her bed shakes forward slightly, the moment growing more and more intense. "Toby, I'm- I'm going to"—_

_But he understands. He then kisses her, really kisses her, and he thrusts himself more forward, in a position that rubs along her top wall, and she feels herself shaking against Toby's body, feeling her walls come down. She stops, gripping his arms so tightly, she was sure he'd be bruised. She then let's out a loud moan, Toby keeping himself still. She feels this intense pleasure roll over her, and she can only shiver. Toby moans too, right after Spencer, and she feels her walls loosen around him as he slips out from inside her, and falls onto his back next to her. _

_After Spencer caught her breathe, she saw her phone buzz. Spencer reaches and grabs it. She see's that it's Hanna, and they were going to track down Jason. Spencer groaned, and got up, and Toby stared at her as she grabbed her thrown bra and tank top. She then grabbed her underwear from below the bed. _

_"__Spence, what are you doing?" Toby asked, crossing his arms behind his head. Spencer clipped her bra on, then slid her panties back on, and threw on her tank top._

_"__Hanna and Emily need me." Spencer said quickly. Toby got out of the bed, and he slid his boxers back on. Spencer was overreacting. She was sure this could wait. She wanted to be here with Toby. _

_"__Wait, Toby." She said, as he was about to reach for his jeans. Spencer grabbed his hand, and she pulled him back onto the bed, kissing him. "Forget it; I want to just be here with you." Toby raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you sure…?" He asked. She was glad he cared that she had her friends to take care of too. _

_"__Yes." She replied. Toby flipped the blankets back, and Spencer slid under them, facing Toby near the center of the bed. Toby crawled in next to her. They were facing each other, and Toby raised his hand to stroke her face. "I love you." He whispered. Spencer blushed. She had missed those words so much. "I love you too." She replied. She looked into Toby's blue eyes, this magical ocean blue that she would never be able to fully describe. She stroked Toby's face, and they were just lying there, looking into each other's eyes. _

Spencer stopped daydreaming when there was a knock at her door. The door opened slowly, and she saw it was two devastated looking people. Her parents. Great.


	6. Chapter 6: Parent's Visit

"Oh, honey, we were so worried!"

Mrs. Hastings couldn't keep calm. It had been just minutes of her parents losing it, just plain crazy. They were still shaking from nerves. Spencer tried her best to assure them that she was okay. But, she knew, on the inside, she wasn't. Her Dad still was refusing to say anything to her, probably because of the pregnancy. Her Dad just kept pacing back and forth in front of Spencer's bed. Veronica sat next to Spencer, her hand shaking on Spencer's knee. Her Mom's hand was cold, and Spencer felt a bit odd in this room with her parents.

Toby had left the room to give them privacy, and he was probably sitting on the bench outside of her room. She could see him outside the room, his back leaning against the glass. She smiled slightly, he was probably so tired, but knowing him, there was no he was going anywhere until Spencer was getting out of the hospital. Spencer was still too nervous to talk about the baby, and how she had lost it. She still didn't know if she could handle talking about it. It would be too much for her to say. She would probably break down right in front of her parents, and she knew if she did break down, Toby would come running in like a hero.

But she was glad her parents were here. At least they were here. She hadn't even expected half the things they had said to her so far. Hell, she hadn't even really expected them to stay calm with her. She thought they would've been made at her about getting pregnant in the first place. But, she still felt empty about one thing: the fact Melissa wasn't there. Of course, she had no idea where she exactly was, and Spencer was even a little pissed that she hadn't showed up. Sure, they didn't get along that well, and they seemed to hate each other most of the time, but they were still sisters. Still.

_"__God, Melissa, you know what's going on. But you're hiding something, I can tell!" _

_Spencer and Melissa were in her room. Melissa had come in, as usual, just throwing odd remarks at her. Spencer was tired of how Melissa and her Dad kept hiding secrets from her and her mother. Now, Melissa had her back turned to Spencer, looking out the window. _

_"__If I tell you, you'll hate me. If I don't tell you, you'll hate me. Melissa still kept her back turned, her black hair touching her back gently. "What does that even mean?!" Spencer replied back, sitting on her bed, crossing her arms. Melissa turned around, facing Spencer. She walked in front of Spencer. _

_"__It means some things are better off left alone, Spencer. No matter how much you want to know what this is about, I don't think you could ever understand."_

_"__I don't think that's a choice you can make for me. I need to know. So, are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Dad, or are you going to keep up your secret code act with him?!" Spencer was tired of waiting, of not getting answers from her sister. Melissa sighed. But Melissa didn't open her mouth. "Melissa?" Spencer spat out, knowing she was becoming inpatient. _

_Melissa just turned around, and headed for Spencer's door. Spencer groaned. "You can't keep this from me forever you know!" Spencer called after her. She knew Melissa was upset, but hell, so was she. _

_Spencer lied back on her bed, groaning. She didn't want to move. She looked at her wrist watch. It was 6:17 PM. She should've been studying, but, she just didn't have the effort or energy to. She had used all of her energy trying to squeeze information out of Melissa. But Melissa was so damn stubborn. _

_She was so tired, but, she also was wide awake. All that was happening, she needed to find a way to cool off. So, she knew who she'd call. _

_Springing up, she reached for her phone on her side desk of her bed, and she dialed in the memorized number into her phone, and pressed CALL. It rung once… then twice… CLICK. _

_"__Hello?" The voice on the line asked, sounding tired. "Hey, it's me." Spencer whispered, already blushing at the voice on the other side. "Oh, hey Spence!" Toby called back, happy. Spencer felt her cheeks flush. "How's your first few days back?" She asked. "It's okay. But, I've been super busy with this new job." _

_He had talked about this new job in Guilford, he had to go to it almost immediately, he was trying to make up for lost time he had given up when he was in London.__He was probably exhausted, but Spencer longed to hear his voice. "Oh, do you know when you'll be getting back?" Spencer asked, adding a pout to her tone. Toby laughed slightly on the other line, his voice echoing through Spencer's mind, sending small bubbles of joy in her heart. _

_"__Soon, Spence. I promise, probably just a few more days. And then, I'll come back." He answered. Spencer sighed. It had just been, what? A week? She didn't even know. But it felt like forever. But with everything on her plate, time had flown by just like that. But, it wasn't crazy to say that she missed him already. _

_"__Would it be crazy obsessive if I said I already am missing you?" Spencer added. _

_Toby answered sarcastically. "Hmmm, a little." Spencer gasped, and replied with, "Toby!" _

_He laughed, "No, it's not. I miss you too." Toby replied back, laughing at first, but it drowned out seriously. "Are you alright?" He asked. Spencer sighed. With all that was going on, of course she wasn't, but she was used to it. _

_Spencer shifted on her bed, lying on her side, her phone on her ear, facing towards the ceiling. Spencer kept her hand on her phone. "Umm, I guess." But Toby heard her guilt. _

_"__Spencer…" _

_Spencer sighed again, this time replying with a different answer. "Well, I don't know. The cops are still in my backyard, the whole place is a crime scene. Ali's a wreck, I still haven't really had the chance to talk to her alone." Toby sounded thoughtful, "I'm sorry. I'd be there right now if I could, I'm just, sorry this has all happened to you." _

_Spencer smiled. She loved him so damn much. He was literally the best she could ever ask for. "Thank you Toby." Toby smirked on the other side of the line. "What for?" _

_"__Just, thank you. I love you." Spencer knew that was her real honest answer. She could here Toby pause on the other line, probably blushing the same way she was. "I love you too Spencer. So much." _

_"__Spencer! Come downstairs!" Her Dad called. _

_"__Dammit!" Spencer whispered. Toby asked quickly, "What is it?" Spencer pushed herself off the bed, and walked over to her door. "Hastings casa issues, I have to go Tobes." She replied, opening her door. _

_"__Okay, I'll call you later." Toby said, she could hear a small hint of disappointment in his voice when she said she had to go. She was a little bit pissed, right when she calls Toby, now her family needs to talk to her._

Spencer pressed. END on her phone, and stomped down the stairs, narrowing her eyes at her Dad and Melissa who were standing around the island in the Hastings kitchen. It was dark outside. Spencer walked through the living room, and stopped behind her Dad. "What is it, Dad?" Spencer asked, sarcastically. Her Dad turned around, he seemed angry, of course. 

_"__Spencer, you need to drop this." Spencer raised an eyebrow at him. "Drop what? The truth?" Spencer began to turn around, "Please!" She added. Her Dad grabbed her arm, strictly, and Spencer turned back around. "Spencer, this isn't a game."—_

_"__I think I could play along." Spencer interrupted, crossing her arms stubbornly. Her Dad rolled her eyes. "Spencer, if you keep digging yourself into this, you're the one who is going to get hurt." Melissa called to her from behind the counter. "Melissa, I really don't give a damn about getting hurt. I think it's past getting hurt, and went straight to Psycho two or three months ago." Spencer added. Melissa rolled her eyes the same way her father had. _

_"__How long are you two going to keep this up?!" Spencer yelled. She was past patient. Her Dad looked at Melissa, and shook his head. Spencer felt weak in the knees. They were never going to tell her the truth. _

_"__I will never know who you two are. Never! This was never a family!" Spencer yelled, and she felt tears in her eyes. She spun around, storming up the stairs, and basically running to her room, slamming the door. Once she was inside her room, she balanced herself by placing both of her hands on her bed, looking down at the floral navy blue printed bed sheets. She felt hot tears dripping onto the sheets, and she could see them spread. Spencer crawled onto her bed. She curled her knees to her chest, and she felt herself cry. She pulled her white sleeves of her sweater over her knuckles, counting the seconds that were passing by. _

_She didn't know how she was going to survive in this family. How would she wake up every day with them in the same house?__All she ever really wanted was to have a normal family. Who could eat together, share special things about their day together, even be able to take this ridiculous family Christmas photo's together. But that was never going to happen, and she had to accept that. She didn't understand where all this came from? Was it her? Or maybe, was it Melissa? But she remembered this all began from nothing.__It was just the way things were; a competitive family, a competitive Spencer. That's just how things worked in this family. _

_Spencer stopped crying a little later. She felt like it could've been five minutes or it could've been five hours. She just felt so useless when she tried to get answers from her family. But, she had to live with it. Until she went to college, and moved out, she was just going to cope with it. _

_Spencer could tell it had been hours. Her phone was lying next to her, and she just stayed lying on her back. She felt her wrist watch tick slowly. Her phone rung, a high pitched chirp buzzed next to her. She almost didn't feel like giving the effort to pick up the phone, but she did. She sat up, and grabbed her phone, and pressed the call button. _

_"__Hello?" Spencer asked, her voice strained from crying earlier. "Spence? Are you okay?" It was him, of course it was. Spencer sniffed, and she looked toward the rocking chair Toby had made her. "I don't know." _

_Spencer got off her bed, and sat down gently into the rocking chair. She let it rock her back and forth slowly, and she closed her eyes. "What's going on?" Toby asked, his voice trying to be gentle with her, which she loved. _

_"__Nothing out of the usual; my whole family seems to be lying to me." Spencer felt tears well up in her eyes, though, she didn't really know why. Maybe it was because she felt comfortable admitting this to Toby. "Hey, it's going to be okay, Spencer. When I get back, you can come over to my place anytime, okay? In fact, how about I come back by tomorrow morning? Does that sound okay?" Toby asked. Spencer thought about it for a moment. She did want to get away from the house. _

_"__Yeah, Andrew will probably be done picking up from the yard." Spencer almost forget she hadn't told Toby about Andrew. Spencer almost wanted to slap herself in the face. "Andrew? The same Andrew who gave you those pills?" Toby was beginning to sound protective again. "Yeah, but, I swear, he was just here picking up the yard. He's probably already gone." Spencer answered. She was too tired to give any effort into her answer. Toby sighed. "I'm sorry; I know I shouldn't bring it up,"—_

_"__It's okay." Spencer interjected. There was a pause. "I'll be there tomorrow, do you need anything?" Toby asked. Spencer cocked her head. "Need anything…?" Spencer asked. "Mmmhmm." Toby answered. _

_"__Hmmm, I need you." Spencer replied. Toby laughed. "I'm all yours tomorrow." He laughed. _

_"__Okay, I love you Spence." _

_"__I love you too."_

"God, how are you honey?" Veronica pulled her back into reality. Spencer gazed at her hands in front of her, and she answered quietly, "I'm okay." Spencer knew that wasn't honest, but that was probably what her parents wanted to hear. Veronica had tears in her eyes.

"Spencer… I'm so sorry; for all of this. I'm so sorry."

Spencer looked at her mother, and Spencer saw the emotion on her mother's face. Veronica wiped her eyes with her palm, tears in her eyes. "Mom." Spencer said, and Spencer pulled her mother to hug her. Spencer let her mother hug her. The shutters of the room were open, and Spencer opened her eyes to see Toby was watching, and he had a small sparkle in his eyes from the sight of Spencer and her mother hugging. It wasn't like any other time they had hugged; it was a hug of understanding.

Spencer and her mother pulled away then, and Spencer looked over to her Dad.

"Dad." Spencer said. Her Dad stood next to her. Spencer reached for his hand, and her father surprisingly let her. She squeezed her father's hand, and her father actually seemed like he was touched. "Spencer, about the thing with Melissa"—

"Peter, don't." Veronica interrupted. "Not now, okay?"

Spencer releases her Dad's hand, saying "It's okay."

Spencer didn't really care anymore. She just wanted her family to care. That's all she ever really wanted. Spencer looked at Toby, and he nodded his head. Suddenly, Toby turned, and looked at someone from outside the room. Spencer could hear a familiar muffled voice, and Toby stood from outside. A brunette was talking to Toby, and Toby pointed to the door, and the brunette nodded, and grabbed the door handle. When the brunette opened the door, Spencer almost wanted to cry. It was Melissa.

"Melissa?" Spencer let out a weep, not ever thinking she would've showed up. Melissa's eyes softened at her sister who was weakly reaching out to her. Melissa dropped her bag to the floor, and Veronica got up and let Melissa run over to Spencer. Spencer felt her arms open up, and Melissa opened hers too. Suddenly, they were hugging; a sisterly hug that Spencer had never really felt from her sister. Melissa was crying. "Oh my God. Oh my God." Melissa kept saying. Spencer felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Spencer closed her eyes, just indulging Melissa's vanilla scent, and felt Melissa's soft dark curls fall onto Spencer's neck. "I'm sorry." Melissa cried. Spencer just squeezed Melissa's shoulders. Melissa pulled back, sitting next to Spencer's hip. Melissa had tears on her cheeks, and she wiped them away.

"I got a call from Mom at work, I tried to get here as quick as I could, but the traffic from New York was crazy." Melissa admitted. Spencer just nodded, "I understand."

If there was one person who would bring up the pregnancy besides Toby, it would be Melissa.

"Spencer, you were… you were pregnant?" Melissa asked. Spencer felt herself flinch, but she was expecting Melissa to ask her something along those lines. "Yes." Spencer whispered. She looked at her Dad, and her Dad just looked down. Maybe he was disappointed. Veronica seemed more worried than disappointed. "I'm so sorry… About the baby…" Melissa continued.

Spencer thought that would be the end of the conversation, done. But, Melissa grabbed Spencer's hand. "I know what you're going through Spencer. When I… when I lost my baby, I thought the world was over. I didn't know how I was going to live through it. But, I'm here for you to talk to about this."

Spencer was almost in shock. Maybe some good had come out of the whole experience. But losing her baby was devastating, and she knew Melissa would know the feeling.

"Why would you do that for me?" Spencer asked, tears in her eyes. Melissa had tears too.  
"I know, I've been… a horrible sister. I know I've been cruel, and I should've been there for you more. I know. And I'm doing this because some part of me hates that I couldn't be there for you so many other times. But, I think I'm doing this for you, because I love you. Even if we fight a lot, I'm still your big sister." Melissa looked down. She laughed slightly. "I'm sorry, that was so cheesy."

Spencer shook her head, and squeezed Melissa's hand. "No, it wasn't. I love you, Melissa."

Melissa looked at Spencer, understanding, and Veronica had a look of awe in her eyes, like she was finally seeing her daughters finally connect. It was something special. Her father even seemed pleased, his eyes softened. "Did you tell her, Dad." Melissa asked, but didn't look at their father. Her father looked down.

"No, not now Melissa." Her father whispered. Spencer just looked away, urging herself not to be irritated by them still lying to her, even on her almost death bed.

Spencer yawned, and slouched back against her sheets. Veronica saw, and took a step toward Spencer.

"You look tired, you should get some sleep. We'll come tomorrow, okay?" Spencer looked at Toby, who was still in the hallway. "Can Toby stay here?" Spencer asked. Veronica looked behind her, and sighed, and then turned back to Spencer, smiling slightly. "Okay, but you need to sleep. I'll talk to the doctor."  
"Thanks Mom." Spencer whispered.

Melissa smiled at her, then turned around, and left first, her parents following. Spencer saw Melissa say something to Toby, and she saw Toby nod, and stand up. Veronica actually hugged Toby. Toby seemed so tall compared to her, but he let her hug him. Her Dad just gave him a small smile, and her family continued down the hall. Toby turned around, and walked to Spencer's door, opening it slowly.

He peaked inside, and slid in. "Hey." He whispered. "Hey." Spencer replied back.

It felt so quiet in the room. But, it was also kind of nice. Toby walked around Spencer's bed, to her left, and sat next to her. He sat on the opposite side of her IV machine, just to be precautious to not accidently tug onto the needle or tube. Toby gently lifted Spencer's hand into his, and he traced his thumb over each of her small fingers, sending chills up Spencer's spine. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and then opened them. Toby was still staring at her. His deep blue eyes, if she thought real hard, she could remember first seeing those eyes, him look at her when she was at a party with the girls, and she was alone.

_She remembered it was dark outside, and Spencer held her drink loosely, never really liking beer. She was a more of a vodka or wine person. Sophisticated, like her. Then, she heard a twig snap from behind her. She turned around, and a dark shadowy figure was a few feet in front of her. The figure had dark long hair covering their eyes. Spencer recognized to be Toby Cavanaugh, and she felt fear rise inside her. She held her breath, and saw his eyes. Were they black? Brown? They seemed so dark right now. She turned back around when she heard a laugh, but when she turned back around, Toby was gone. Spencer felt butterflies in her stomach, and now she knew she wanted to leave this party. Especially if 'he' was here. Spencer remembered running back to the center of the action around the woods party, to the light. Maybe, if she got to the light part of the woods, she could see the real color of his eyes. But she brushed off the thought of Toby, and went off to find her friends. _

Now, he was here, the true nature of his eye color, she could clearly see. "What are you thinking about?" He asked, his eyes curiously searching her eyes. "Nothing, just thinking about the first time I saw your eyes." Spencer replied; twisting her hand under Toby's so his hand could interlock with hers. His fingers were warm between her own thin cold fingers. It was like the fire and ice meeting, but in-between, it was normal, nice. Toby leaned over her, and kissed her forehead lightly. "You should get some sleep, Spence. You've had a rough few hours." Toby lifted his hand away from Spencer's and he used his hand to grab her sheets. He lifted them up gently, and Spencer snuggled into her bed. Toby was about to sit into the chair on her left side, but she asked quickly, "Can you sit next to me; just until I fall asleep?"

Toby looked at her, raising an eyebrow, then smiling. "Are you sure you want me to?" Spencer nodded, scooting over slightly. Even for a hospital bed, it was quite large. I bet her parents put some kind of money to make her more comfortable. Toby sat gently next to her, then he pressed his arm under her upper back, and Spencer pulled herself close to him, snuggling onto his chest. She rested her arm across Toby's stomach, and she had the side of her head on his chest, between his pecks. Toby used his left arm that was behind her back to hold her comfortably against him, and his right arm that was hanging off the bed, he used that hand to intertwine his fingers with her hand that was resting across his stomach. Spencer felt so much more comfortable lying with Toby.

She closed her eyes. She could feel Toby's worry; he probably was looking at the needle that was in her arm. But, she didn't mind it. Reaching over his stomach was a bit of a challenge for her, since that was the same arm that had a needle in it. She accidently winced a little when she tried to snuggle against his chest, and she felt Toby wince when she did so, so then, she felt him push himself more to the center of the bed, so the needle wouldn't be pulling on her arm. She felt the pain go away and she could finally relax after the long day.

She felt herself dazing off, and the heaviness of her eyelids was taking a toll on her. She felt her chest slow down with her more heavy breaths. She was scared of falling asleep and never waking up, since it had almost happened a few hours ago when she had still been on the stretcher that could have easily turned into the last place she spent her last few moments. So, she was a little bit scared, but she was also very overwhelmed with comfort from Toby. Maybe, she was okay with falling asleep like this. Right here, where Toby held her close. She began to think about random things, school, her, Toby, her family, and the many thoughts made her drowsy. She could hear her heart monitor slow down with her heart, and her breathing tubes, which had been very irritating at first, now felt like they weren't even there anymore. Or maybe it was because she had Toby to wrap his arms around her.

Seconds ticked by, and those seconds turned into minutes. The light of the hospital room grew weary and she could barely tell white from black as sleep overcame her, and then, it did.


End file.
